Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm just crazy horny about you
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
