I want to have your abortion
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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