i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
