take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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