The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
