3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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