who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This baby is an asshole
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
