Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
