youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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