I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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