i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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