I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
