if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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