Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Shame - the story of my life.
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