i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
