When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
