Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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