I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
