Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
