Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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