Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
