Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
