No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
3 2 1 whiskey
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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