He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
