my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
