I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
