ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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