Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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