Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
