she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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