Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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