Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
COCAINE IS GR8
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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