Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
try to milk me bitch
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