I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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