Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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