Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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