the condom got lost in my hair
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs