Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You ruined the universe
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.