U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window