You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Someone shit on the floor
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.