I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
