i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
