I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize