Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
