if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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