i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
