I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
