We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
