if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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