I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
id be glad to
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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