i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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