he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sorry my hands just texted you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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