It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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