My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
where am i from again
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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