when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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