Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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