I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
