before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
