Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
