The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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