weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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