maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
