I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
