So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
vagina is talking i cant
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
